5 Things Gay Men and Lesbians Can Do to Feel Better About Sex.
Posted: Sunday, February 07, 2010
by Ash Rehn
Forward Therapy
The opportunity to enjoy sex is one of
the great things about being gay. Some people say that being gay means they
feel less restricted and more free sexually in terms of what they can do with
their bodies, with who and when. But many people struggle with feelings
of guilt, shame and fear associated with being told gay sex is not 'normal' or
'natural' or 'right' in some way.
Enjoying Sex.
These ideas that certain types of sex
are 'not normal', 'unnatural' or 'wrong' are a result of fear and prejudice.
Individuals and institutions will often quote either some branch of science or
religion in defending their opinions, but at the heart of these objections there
are generally personal fears and personal stories.
A lack of experience or unpleasant or
disturbing past experiences may also make it difficult for you to enjoy sex.
Some people have their first gay sexual experiences while they are teenagers,
others not until their 20's, 30's or later. Some people are at ease with their
sexuality when they have their first experiences, or are not afraid of others
knowing about them. Others go to great lengths to keep sex a secret from family
and colleagues. Some people have consensual first time sex and some people
remember their first sexual experience as one of abuse.
We are all different and our bodies are
changing over time throughout our lives so we can change as well in terms of
what we like and enjoy and what we don't.
Talking about sex can sometimes help.
Perhaps if you have difficulties there is a trustworthy friend who you can
speak with? A counsellor or therapist who specialises in working with gay
people may also be able to help. Forums are another source of information and
support to help you enjoy sex. ??
What to do if you are not enjoying sex.
Sometimes we don’t feel good about
having sex, or we feel bad after we have had sex. People can get the idea that
because they enjoy sex and then feel bad later they have sex addiction. If our
upbringing or family or the dominant ideas around us have not been supportive
of our sexuality, we may find it is difficult to be who we are!
If you are gay and you feel bad about
having sex, there are some things you can do.
1. Get to know some other gay men or
lesbians who feel good about their sexuality;
2. Tell yourself that just because you
enjoy sex, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you (for example, it
doesn’t mean you are a sex addict);
3. Start talking about sex to supportive
people, even if it is anonymously on support forums;
4. Remember that dominant cultural ideas
have contributed to the way you are feeling, but alternative ideas about sex
and relationships are just as valid;
5. If you have experienced sexual abuse,
emotional abuse or particularly childhood abuse, treatment or therapy might be
helpful in assisting you to enjoy sex and relationships.
A counsellor should not try to impose
their own values and beliefs on you. But by asking questions and helping you
explore your own values and commitments, hopes and plans, a counsellor or
therapist can assist you to feel better about yourself and sex.
Author's Bio.
Ash Rehn is an online counsellor and
therapist with over 20 years experience in counselling. He specialises in
motivation & confidence, relationship issues, lesbian & gay counselling
and addiction. His online counselling practice 'Forward Therapy' is based at http://www.forwardtherapy.com